This is Made Out of Wood

BEHOLD!

The EPICness of the tri-level storage shelf.

OK, well, I need some affirmative action here. I'm not a big time woodworker of anything, so this is kind of like when your kid draws a picture. You're not expecting a Rembrandt or anything -- "it's really good! [for you]"

Debbi and they boys have been in Arizona this week, so this was my chance to use tools and leave hazardous chemicals laying around unattended for long periods of time.

Maybe it doesn't look like much, but it took me about a year and a half to build this. OK, full disclosure, I built about 60% of this 2 winters ago (Dec. 2012-Jan. 2013) when the wife & kids were gone, then it sat in that condition until just now I finished it off.

The longest part is applying a protective finish to each board before assembly (Minwax Polycrylic). So now it's mostly waterproof and should last about forever. This will be helpful if, for example, if you are grilling in the garage and the grill catches on fire and you spray a fire extinguisher into the area. Just if that were to ever be needed.

Apply to side 1, wait 3 hours. Side 2, wait 3 hours. Side 3, wait 3 hours. Side 4, wait 3 hours.

In use.

Move over, Al Borland..

 

They Rushed Me to the E.R. for . . . A Stuffy Nose?

Sunday evening (01/26/2014), driving home from church, I felt some shortness of breath. As a life-long asthmatic, this is not news. "Shortness of breath" is a daily event, but this was a tad worse than usual. I didn't
think much of it, settled in for a normal evening and slept fine that night.

I felt a bit of the same getting ready for work Monday AM, but nothing that would keep me from going to work. My job involves talking over the phone all the time, so shortness of breath and/or excessive stuffiness can be a real bummer. By 3 PM, it was coming back and clearly interfering with my ability to do my job. Again, nothing all that unusual, this kind of thing usually comes up 3-4 times per year. By 4:15 I called it a day, and decided to head home early (for those of you not aware, I usually work from late morning until about 8:10 PM).

On the way home I debated with myself the merits of going to see a doctor. While my condition was a little worse than a normal asthma flair up, it wasn't much. However, knowing that I was missing work anyway, it was probably as good of a time as any to go see a doctor. The last thing I would want is to sit around all day, then need to miss MORE work later to go to a doctor. So, I went on to the urgent care in Ankeny.

After waiting quite a while, I got in to see a nurse practitioner eventually. She listened to me breathe, and agreed with me that my heart was beating a bit harder than normal (this is also common with an asthma flair up). As a precaution, she ordered a chest x-ray and an EKG.

Both of those done, (now I've been at urgent care for nearly two hours) I resumed waiting in the little room alone for about 30 minutes before hearing anything at all. Then a doctor came in (noteworthy that it was "the doctor," not the nurse practitioner this time). He asked me all the same questions that the nurse and the nurse practitioner asked me. There was a lot of hemming and hawing around, and finally he said, in essence, that he was concerned because the EKG showed a "funny looking blip." That, plus a family history of heart problems led to him calling the ambulance for me. The purpose was to take me to the emergency room so that they could run some blood tests that they don't have the ability to run at urgent care.

Whoa ... wait a minute. Seriously? Other than some minor breathing issues, and some fatigue, I actually felt normal. No hoarseness, wheezing, sore throat or anything like that. Can't I just go home and have my wife drive me there? No, I can't let you drive home. Why? Well, although the odds are very small, the "funny" EKG reading could be caused by several things, and one of those things is cardiac arrest. Another very small possibility is that you have a blood clot in your lung. Well, what else could it be? It could be - and probably is - something much more minor, like just a bad reading (ie, a "false positive"), or a staph infection could cause this kind of result, or certain kinds of viruses can, or a variety of other rare (yet minor) things. But essentially, you're saying that I MAY be having a heart problem or blood clot right now (tiny chance), and for that reason I can't drive and I need to go to the ER immediately? Yup.

Well, the Ankeny Fire Department isn't far from urgent care, so I really only had about 5 minutes to use the bathroom and call Debbi to tell her the very brief version of what's going on (poor wife!). Then, 3 paramedics came into the room and asked me all the same questions the nurse, NP, and doctor had asked me. "Do you think you can walk to the gurney [10 feet away] under your own power?" "Well, I can just walk to the ambulance perfectly fine, actually." "We're really not supposed to let you do that."

I've never ridden in an ambulance before, but I have to imagine that this was the most laid-back ride of the week for those guys. The guy in the back with me didn't even bother to do an IV. He asked me all the questions yet again, and added, "are you feeling any anxiety?" "Well, I AM NOW!!! I came in for a stuffy nose and now I'm riding to the ER in an ambulance!!!" They took another EKG in the ambulance, and this one was perfectly fine ... no "funny blips." [Oh, and also got to have the privilege of getting an "L" shape shaved into my chest to attach the probes. Yea!]

Long story short, I was greeting at the ER (Methodist Hospital) by a nice nurse and a nice PA who went over all the test results so far, and took a 3rd EKG, hooked me up to a heart monitor, and ordered a bevy of blood work. So, in the long run, I described my symptoms to (1) the nurse at urgent care (2) the nurse practitioner at urgent care (3) the attending doctor at urgent care (4) the paramedic who came in first at urgent care (5) the paramedic in the ambulance (6) the nurse at the ER, and (7) the Physician's Assistant at the ER.

The final diagnosis with the blood tests was a bad reading on the preliminary EKG. She explained to me that the EKG only takes a snapshot at one point in time, and, just like any machine, it can mess up. The 2nd two EKG readings were clear as a bell, no problems whatsoever. The heart monitor was fine too. In fact, she was able to tell me, you have definitely never had a heart attack, you're definitely not having a heart attack right now, and you definitely don't have any blood clots. The official diagnosis was "Upper Respiratory Infection with Asthma Flair and Shortness of Breath." I was given a prescription for Prednisone and sent home right away. Debbi got there about that time to drive me back. Thanks to Aunt Pam for watching Ben & Joe while she was coming to meet me.

I'm feeling fine this AM other than a little fatigue and still some chest tightness and shortness of breath. I will have a follow-up with my regular family doctor in about 1 week, just as a precaution.

An funny observation is that the ER I went to (Methodist Hospital) is about 1 block from where my work parking garage is. If I had just walked into the ER, I could have driven myself home, saved the ambulance ride, saved Debbi having to come get me, and saved us from having to go get my car from urgent care this AM (Tuesday). Oh well.

My take on the whole thing was that this was nothing more than "just incase" prevention mode. Once a doctor sees a reading on an EKG that indicates ANY chance of a risk, he just can't send you home no matter how tiny that risk is. On one hand, I appreciate the abundance of caution. On the other hand, the whole exercise seemed very pointless.

I have a friend who works at a hospital. After I summed up the events of the night, his comment was, "defensive medicine is the bane of efficient/affordable healthcare."

Just before I left the ER, holding the monitor wires that were hooked up to me.

Florida Vacation Reflections 2013

The Rose side of the family just got back from a fun & relaxing week in Florida. Our destination was Treasure Island -- a beachfront community just west of St. Petersburg. Yes, technically, it's an island because it's separated from the main land by an inner-coastal waterway, but a series of very short causeways and drawbridges makes it so it doesn't "feel" like an island. According to Wikipedia, "Treasure Island got its name after several property owners attempted to boost sales of the properties being developed on the island by first burying and then pretending to discover a couple of wooden chests on the beach around 1915. After claiming the chests were filled with treasure, the news of the 'discovery' quickly spread and people began calling the island Treasure Island."

We left the DSM airport on the morning of Monday, August 5th along with my Mom & Dad. (We would meet my sister and her family there). I would like to pause for just a moment to say that I'm very thankful that Allegiant Airlines decided to come to Des Moines a few years ago. Sure, they are a low- budget, no frills airline, and you have to pay for even the smallest niceties (carry on luggage, snacks, etc.) but the important thing is that they offer direct flights to a couple cities in Florida. When traveling with kids, a non-stop flight is 5 times better than something with a layover (maybe more than 5 times)! You don't have to spend a "whole day" traveling.

Even though Allegiant does fly into St. Petersburg, they didn't have a flight that day that worked for all of us, so we flew into Sanford... a nice, small airport (similar to DSM) on the north edge of the Orlando area. We got a rental van and drove about 2 hrs. and 20 minutes to our destination. (I would still rather fly once and drive 2-3 hours than have a layover.) Although we didn't stop there, we drove right through the town of "Land O' Lakes" -- I think the town is missing out on some great name-related advertising tie ins.

Our hotel was "Sunset Vistas Beachfront Suites" -- as the name says, right on the beach (see reviews here). Every room is a 2-bedroom suite. Even though we were on the north side (ocean is on the west, of course), the rooms are angled so that you still get a fairly good view of the ocean. The hotel staff was very nice, and arranged to have our rooms fairly close together. It wasn't luxurious, but was clean, accommodating, and had everything we needed. We had a small leak in one of the bathroom pipes, so a maintenance guy came to fix it part way through the week. He told me that the building was only 7 or 8 years old, and it did in fact seem rather modern. The pool wasn't fancy, but big enough to have fun, and there was a small kiddie pool. I would give it 3 1/2 stars and cheerfully recommend it. The whole town seemed more family oriented that the Daytona Beach area (where we were at 2 years ago), and less of a "party atmosphere."

Some general recollections:

- At the beginning of the week, I told Ben & Joe that when digging a hole in the sand, it's a good idea to dig down deep enough to get to standing water. For the rest of the week, they called it "standard water."

- Both boys were hesitant of going in the ocean at the beginning of our week, but had warmed up by the end, especially Ben. On our last day, he and I spent about 40 minutes bobbing in the sea right at sunset. They still liked the pool better.

- Florida seems to have a much higher proportion of rude/selfish drivers than Iowa! Not necessarily bad drivers, so much, but just a "I'm in a hurry so I'm going to merge 1/4 inch in front of you" attitude.

- Customer service in the south is different that what I perceive it "should be." Servers, cashiers, etc. seem to think that being friendly and chatting is more important than either speed or accuracy.

- Combining our prior Florida vacation and this one (the last was 2011, we weren't able to go in 2012), I finished one of my Star Wars books, "Planet of Twilight." (Yes, It took me two vacations to finish one book. I'm a slow reader, plus it was usually only a few minutes each day of actual reading.) I was pleasantly surprised; it was a decent book after a below average previous book by the same author ("Children of the Jedi").

- Whenever Ben or Joe would do something really fun in the pool (like jump in, or be thrown up in the air by dad or mom), they would often proclaim, "That was off the huzzah!" (meaning something is exciting.... Not sure where this came from, but we think it is a mispronunciation of "off the hizzook.")

- When we flew on the airplane for the first flight, Joe wanted the window shade down at takeoff, so he wouldn't see the "fire that would blast out of the engine." (I think he envisioned takeoff more like a space shuttle) Before the flight home, we explained that there is no fire involved (ideally), and then he really enjoyed watching the takeoff! It was also kind of cute that they both said, "touchdown!" when we landed both times, unprompted.

- Our flight home was very early, so factoring in driving and enough time to arrive in advance, we had to wake up about 3:00 AM. We were back in DSM before 11, ate, and took naps - all 4 of us! It was very little sleep, but one nice aspect was that we had the whole rest of the day to recover & allow Debbi to prepare for childcare kids coming the following day. Also, my current work schedule has me coming in to work a late half day on Tuesdays, so I was able to use Tuesday AM to catch up on some work around the house.

- I got to watch several episodes of "Pawn Stars" and "American Pickers" -- two shows I rather enjoy but don't get to watch much (we don't have cable or satellite at home).

The weather was mostly cooperative all week, save for a couple typical 1-2 hour Florida rainstorms -- come in as a massive downpour very suddenly, then once over it's back to beautiful & sunny within 10 minutes. One came on the only evening we went out to eat -- at "Bubba Gump's." We spent a few minutes trying to skilfully walk around St. John's Pass without not having a covered walkway over our heads! We also did some souvenier shopping that evening (without actually buying anything!), and I played two brief games of skee-ball at a rinky-dink arcade. The sunsets were beautiful. I never pulled myself out of bed early enough to see a sunrise. (We tried to keep sleep schedules to central time to not mess up the boys' internal clocks, so that would have been like voluntarily waking up at 5:30 central time - no thanks!)

It was also a good time with the family all around, just a time to relax and fellowship.

Thanks, Mom & Dad!!!

I think this picture should be on a postcard!

This looks like a Polaroid from the 80's
because the lens was foggy from the humidity.

Goodbye, WAPELLO

During the summer of 1995, before my junior year of high school, I got my first car, and therefore, my first license plate: 426 CWI.

Since that time, I traded in my Blue '88 Pontiac Grand Am for a Green '99 Buick Century (shortly before our wedding in 2001), and subsequently traded that in for our present Brown '06 Buick Rendezvou (shortly before the boys were born in 2008). In both cases, the license plate was taken off the old vehicle and put straight onto the new one.

So, even though I haven't lived in Wapello county since August of 1997, I've had "WAPELLO" on my license plate as long as I've had a car. I even remember when I moved off campus in the 2000-01 school year, and I became an "official" Polk county resident, I called the Wapello county courthouse. "Just send the car registration form & payment to us, and we'll automatically forward the registration to Polk county next year." So, even though the registration paperwork and the sticker came from Polk county each year, the license plate itself remained the same.

 It seems like about 3-4 times every year, I would have someone ask me, "are you from Wapello county?" or, "are you from Ottumwa?" I didn't mind; in fact, it was kind of fun. I think this is how I found out that a couple in my church (Ray & Jeanne Taylor) used to live in Ottumwa; also, when we bought Ben & Joe's mattresses just back in March, the manager of Mattress Discounter in Des Moines told me that his folks used to own a furniture store in Ottumwa, because he saw the license plate.

However, it all came to an end.

My birthday is in March, so my car registrations are always due by the end of April. After paying this year, and without warning, two new license plates unceremoniously showed up in the mail box. This is the "newer" kind with the more reflective surface and without the raised numbers & letters. Oddly, it is now in the letters-then-numbers format instead of the numbers-then-letters format.

So, as of the 3rd week in April, 2013, I am no longer "from" Wapello county. Truly, the end of an era.

Old faded plate on top, new dark plate on bottom. (No, I don't want the whole world knowing my license plate.)

Self-Guided OHS Tour

In mid-August (2012) I went down to Ottumwa for a football meeting at OHS (I officiate High School football part-time in the Fall).

My crew arrived a bit early, so I decided to give myself a tour of my alma matter, and grab a few grainy cell phone pics.

(In case anyone is wondering about "security," rest assured that someone met us at the door and let us in who was with the state association. I would not have been able to just "walk in" off the street.)

I started in the auditorium. It was exactly as I remembered it, except for two exceptions: there were new seats, and the big round "seals" with the class mottos were not hanging from the balconys. (I recall one assembly where one fell down and hit a kid on the head or shoulders... maybe that's why they were removed?)

From there, I moved toward the Vo-Tec (Voc-Tech?) building. This now involves a walk thru the new library/fancy building that was conveniently completed just two weeks before I graduated. (Remember having to carry our instruments through the auto-body room just to go between buildings for concerts & pep rallies? "Whoa, look at that big saxamaphone!" All of the inconvenience of construction, almost no benefit.) Well, there is a hallway down the middle that essentially replicates the old 2nd- story "skywalk," which leads to that half-flight of stairs that goes down to the 2nd floor of the Voc-Tech near the elevator.

That door was locked - kind of. When I pulled on the handle the lock literally fell off. I wasn't pulling that hard or anything, but the round, removable lock that sets in the door must not have been set in properly. So, in I go.

In the halls of Vo-Tech, it was very dark, but in spite of the darkness everything looked exactly the same as I remember from 1993-1997.

Vo-Tec 2nd Story Men's Room

I went into the men's room right there, and noticed that the large half-circle style "sink" had been replaced by two more traditional sinks. Peter Hemmings would be sad to hear this, I knew.











The orchestra room was locked, and I tried the stairwell right next to it to see if I could get roof access, but it was gated off with a padlock. Shucks.

The "main" door (near Mr. Flanigan's office) to the band room was unlocked. Score!

Bandroom. The director would be facing toward me, but the offices are behind me.

Woah! What's this? I've stepped into backwards world! There was no elevated platform for the band practice area. Even more surprising, it was turned around. The percussion was close to the middle of the room, and the director stood on the south/east wall (basically right about where the snare drums used to be). I wonder what the reason for that was? I don't remember if the platforms were movable or not. I was thinking they were built in, and, if so, must have been torn out. It was just about a week before school started, so the marching band drums were already out. I'm guessing the first few practices had occurred -- at least the "drums only" ones. (Did you know that we had to come a week earlier than the rest of you each year? You should be thankful....)

I went over to the vocal music room which was essentially unchanged. In the rooms at the "back" they had 4-5 computers in there. (These are the rooms where we would practice in small groups or quartets sometimes. I recall one time where we were goofing off a little, and Mr. Schneider stormed in and ripped us to pieces [verbally]! ~ don't get me wrong, we deserved it.)

New Cafeteria

Out the other door and down the stairs I went, and back toward the main building. I was going to cut through the cafeteria on the lower level of the new building, but the floors looked like they had fresh wax on them so decided not to.








The "original" part of the high school, for the most part, looked completely unchanged. I did slide down one of the banisters! The area behind the auditorium (behind the stage side) had been re-worked entirely with new siding on the walls, as had the downstairs area behind what used to be the cafeteria and next to the student council room. Frankly, I was running low on time, and didn't want to risk getting stuck behind a locked door, so at that point I retreated back to the auditorium. It was a fun little 20 minute journey. I should also note that one of our breakout sessions was in the new library/media room on the upper level of the fancy new building, and it was very nice. What do they call that, the "middle building?" I propose "Mo-Tech."

(One last interesting note - the signs now all refer to OHS as a 4 story building. IE, instead of "basement" plus 3 other floors, the lowest level is "1st floor," the offices and auditorium are on the "2nd floor," etc.)

This "classroom" is on the east end of the 2nd  floor now (or is that 3rd floor?).

My "Day in Court"

On Wednesday, December 19th, 2012, I got my first - and only [as of this writing] speeding ticket.

You know, coming down from the north, that spot where I-35 turns into I-235? It drops from 65 down to 60 and then 55 in about 2 miles as it curves to the west into downtown.

I had the cruise control set on 71 mph, and was moving along nicely with the flow of traffic. I was the schlub who forgot to slam on his breaks, so I was the one who got the short straw. I admit it, guilty as charged. $181.50 speeding ticket, dutifully paid to the city of Des Moines.

But, that's all boring stuff. Here's the more interesting part of the story:

You're supposed to carry your proof of insurance in your car at all times, of course. Well, a few days before I had printed off new insurance cards . . . and dutifully left them sitting on the bookshelf at home.

Ooops!

So, in addition to the $181.50 ticket, I was also given a citation for "VIOLATION -- FINANCIAL LIABILITY COVERAGE." The charge? Approx. $385.00 -- ouch! Fortunately, the officer let me know that if I "go down to the Courthouse" sometime after the new year, I could "get it taken care of."

Well, based on that vague description, I wasn't really exactly sure what to expect, but, if it meant eliminating - or at least reducing - a $385 ticket, I was sure going to try!


*****

I checked the Polk County Courthouse website (which I think was last designed around 1997), which had zero information on the topic. A call to the general courthouse phone number was slightly more informative, with a one line statement like "just come during normal hours and we'll get you in."

Alrightee then!

So, on the 3rd, I drove down there (I wanted to avoid the 2nd, because it was the first business day of the year and I figured pretty busy). Not knowing how long this would be, I put enough change in the parking meter to last me an hour and a half.

The courthouse is a secured building, so you have to go through a security line, much like an airport. After that, I walked up to what looked like an information kiosk, and asked the lady where to go for my situation. She just got my name and the date of the ticket, and then rummaged through a large stack of documents, pulled one out, and handed it to another worker who took it to who-knows-where. "OK, just go to that room right there [pointed]. When you go in, just sit quietly in any chair and wait for your name to be called."

[At this point, it may be fun to play the MATLOCK theme song!]

It's always fun in life to be told to do something when you have no idea exactly what that "thing" is. The door said, "JUDGE SO-AND-SO" on it. Am I going into an office? A courtroom? Some kind of classroom where they teach me about the real dangers of driving without your insurance card? If I cannot afford a lawyer, will one be provided for me? I didn't want to go in unprepared, so I went to the bathroom first -- you know, just in case this was going to be a long time.

When I went in, it was obviously a small court room. There was a big important looking desk and then a smaller, less important looking desk in front of and below it. There were only two people in the room, both female, one sat at the "lesser" desk (this must be the judge, but apparently she uses the "little" desk and doesn't wear a robe for these minor traffic proceedings) and one was off to the side (probably the court recorder?). Within two seconds, before I could even get to the nearest seat and put my papers down, the off-to-the-side lady said, "Remove your hat!" Oh man, I'm in trouble already! I mean, I'm a good boy, I know men are supposed to remove their hats indoors... my hands were just full! And the receptionist said to sit down quietly and wait for my name to be called; I was trying to obey!!! "Yes... sorry!" I said.

"DOUGLAS ROSE?" said the front lady, one second after I sat down. (Which I find kind of amusing as I was the only non-courthouse person in the room.)

I sheepishly walk to the front.

"Did you bring your insurance documentation with you?"
"Yes, Your Honor"
"I'm not the judge." (OK.... who are you exactly???)
"Sorry." [Hand her my print-off from the insurance company]
"Did you have auto insurance on December 19th?"
"Yes... Ma'am" (whoever you are...)
"OK, I'll be right back"

"Front Lady" walks up to the side of the "big desk" and disappears into a side room for what feels like 5 minutes. This must be the mythical "chambers." I was really nervous, so it may have been 30 seconds. In hindsight, I'm guessing she was some kind of Clerk-Of-Court. But who could blame me for assuming she was a judge? The name on the door was for a female judge, and she was the only "up fronter," after all.

She comes back out and says, "The judge [Judge who?] has decided to drop the charges. You will still have to pay the court costs. Are you going to pay those right now or online?"
"Uh.... [ not knowing how much that is] online?"
"OK, take one of those papers and pay your ticket and court costs by the 12th. You're all done."

Alright, well, that's that. In case you wonder, the "court costs" part of the citation was $60. A $325 reduction in the fine was definitely worth the inconvenience of my little adventure, but still a pretty expensive reminder to put that piece of paper in your car!

*****

Epilogue:

Well, I've still got over an hour on my parking meter, so might as well look around the courthouse... never been in it before! It's a pretty cool building.... dating from 1906.

Some great big and politically incorrect murals:

"The White Man Meets the Indian"

"The Indian Leaves Iowa"

Most interesting to me was this little alcove that has a quote -- it's to blurry to read, but it said (this is not an exact quote, but pretty close), "Law cannot exist without morality, and morality cannot exist without religion."














There were also quite a few fellows of the baser (looking) sort hanging around on benches waiting for something or another. I presume most of them were either accused of something, or parolees who had to appear in court for one reason or another. There were also a lot of lawyers wandering about. No surprise there, I guess.

Epilogue 2:

When I paid my fines online a couple days later, I found out that the mysterious judge in the chamber who waived the charges was The Honorable William A. Price. Thanks, Judge Price! [This still doesn't explain why the name on the door was that of a female judge, however. Perhaps some mysteries are best left unsolved.]

The Walkerdale Tree

I'm not home every evening when the boys go to bed, but when I am, we have a little bit of a routine. After jammies and brushing teeth, Mommy steps out for a few minutes while I read a story to the boys. As soon as the story ends, we take just a couple minutes to have "Talk about one naughty or good thing" before Debbi comes back to sing their nighttime song.

This has been going for about a year now. It started really simple, like, I would ask them to say one thing that would be naughty, or one thing that would be good. An example early on may be, "If we don't push our brother, that would be a good thing!" Or, "If we dump out all the Legos, that would be naughty!"

Over the last 12 months, the stories they come up with for this time have become more and more complex. Usually they start with, "Talk about, if mommy says...." and then some story about mommy telling Ben and Joe (and often Titus and Joshua) that they need to go somewhere, and do something, and usually someone disobeys (the "naughty" part) or, occasionally, everyone obeys (a "good" thing). Then my job is to try my best to figure out what they just said and repeat it. Often, it's kind of convoluted and hard to understand. Then they say, "now YOU make one up, Daddy!" -- Mine are usually of the more simple variety.

So with that background, here is what came up tonight. It was Joe's turn to go first. This is my best effort transcription of what was said:

Joe:

"Talk about if mommy said, "we need to go pick walkerdales." A walkerdale is a type of food that grows on trees. So mommy says, "we have to go in the big pit. And in the big pit is a tube that leads to The Famous Garden of Trees." When we get to The Famous Garden of Trees, we have to look for the Walkerdale tree - there is only one. And then Ben and me and Mommy go pick the Walkerdales off it. Then we put them in a bowl, and take them home and mash them up and eat them. That would be good, because everyone obeyed."

Ben:

"Talk about if mommy said, "we all have to go to the big pit. And in the pit there are three tubes. And we're supposed to go in the second tube, which goes to a good place." And Ben and Joe obey, but Titus goes to the THIRD tube, and jumps in - that would be NAUGHTY. This is before Joshua was born. Talk about that, Daddy."

Joe: (follow-up question) "Is that tube the one that has fire?"
Ben - "Yep, it is."

By far the most elaborate "Talk about one naughty or good thing" yet.

"The Talk"

A few weeks ago, I decided that it was time to have "the talk" with my boys. They were starting to ask a lot of questions, and I felt like I was just trying to beat around the bush when answering them. After all, who wants to be dishonest with their children? I know, you're probably thinking, "aren't your kids a little young for that?" But even their church friends were starting to talk about it -- and I'd rather have them hear it from their own dad than from someone else.

I even bought a special book to make it easier to explain. So, Saturday before last, I sat them down and decided to tell them.


Yes, I decided to tell them that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader are the same person.

Ben & Joe took it very well. We read through the book "The Story of Darth Vader." It's written on a very young level, and doesn't have any of the really scary pictures. They were very excited to learn what really happened to Anakin on the "volcano island" (this is what they call the planet Mustafar; not sure why).

I offered to let them watch the part of Episode III where Padme delivers the twins and the subsequent part where Luke & Leia are sent off to their new homes (By the way -- is it just me, or do Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru age horribly between the trilogies? I mean, they are probably mid-twenties at this point, and when we next see them 18 or so years later, they look in the late 60's to early 70's? I guess raising Luke was an ordeal). Don't worry, Grandmas, there is nothing graphic in there. Obviously, I skipped the part where he falls on a bed of hot lava rocks and ... you know.

Ben was really excited, but Joe had one of those moments where he thought something would be scary, even though it wasn't. So he hid upstairs and asked me to call him when the credits came on -- he really likes credits!

Ben: "Daddy, why does Padme die?"
Dad: "Um . . . because she's sad???"

Wedding Day Laundry

5-25-'01 ... our Wedding Day! [Insert Standard Mushy Comment Here]

Our wedding was in the evening, so I had no need to wake up particularly early that day. I had already moved into the Faith Apartment that Debbi & I would eventually be living in at 226 College Ave. in Ankeny.

I woke up that morning around 7:00 but was still kind of tired from hanging out with "the guys" the night before. I decided to start a load of laundry, and went down to the laundry room/utility closet and threw a load in the washer, and went back to my room and went back to sleep (there was only 1 washer and 1 dryer for the whole 8-unit apartment).

I was startled out of sleep about an hour-and-a-half later by a knock on the door, followed a few moments later by a more urgent sounding knock. When I answered the door, I recognized the girl at the door as another tenant in the building, but I didn't know her (she was about 2-3 years older than me, and not affiliated with FBBC in any way, just a "non college" couple renting).

She said, "Can you come downstairs and move your laundry over to the dryer? I need to get my wash started because I have a really busy day today."

I stood there for a couple moments thinking of all the things I could say to "zing" her . . . something like, "Oh, I'm so sorry... don't worry about me, my wedding isn't for a few hours . . ." Those of you who know me, however, know that when I first wake up I'm not really awake for about another half hour. So I just went downstairs (undoubtedly in a zombie-like manner) and switched the laundry without saying anything at all, and was just-enough awake to not be able to go back to bed. In hindsight, I wish I had said something, because this story isn't as interesting as I thought it would be when I began typing it.

Joe's Tongue Whistle Video

Here is another video of the boys from 11 months ago (Feb. 2011) that didn't make the cut for Debbi's blog. Enjoy.

Ben & Joe Picture Commentary - Summer

At the end of July, Ben, Joe and I put together a brief commentary on random pictures while testing the abilities of Power Point 2011.

It sat in queue for a few months. Debbi said it was "too old" to earn a spot on her blog, so I'll gladly take the 2nd rate videos.

Here it be:

What Happened to Bert?

I'm talking about "Bert" from Mary Poppins . . .

Well, we know that he lived in London in the year 1910, and worked as a Chimney sweep, Screever (chalk artist), and part-time kite salesman.

We know he had a friend named "Mary Poppins" who was a nanny. Along with Bert, and the two children in her care, Jane and Michael Banks, they had a very well-documented adventure.

But after Mary Poppins floated away on her magical umbrella, what ever happened to Bert?

Well, Ben and Joe have helped me figure it out.

Apparently he moved to the English countryside.

We lost track of him for quite a while, but it

does seem like at some point he got married and had two children of his own, Jemima and Jeremy. Unfortunately, he also became a widower at some point.

Things began to turn around when he decided to invent a flying car named "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and fell in love with wealthy candy heiress "Truly Scrumptious."

The only part we can't figure out is why he started going by the name "Caractacus" after he left London. Our best guess is that his full name is "Caractacus Bert Potts."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm 99% sure that this is what Ben & Joe actually think. Dick Van Dyke is always referred to as "Bert" regardless of which movie we're watching.

Cheers!